were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
