there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
