the condom got lost in my hair
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
The ass gains better be worth it
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