dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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