HIV tests are more positive than that guy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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