Plan B is the new Plan A
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
