they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
