Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
