I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
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Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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