Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room