just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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