I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
