I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
