I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
