Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
