Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
