I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Randomize
