"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
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No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
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ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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