A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
