I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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