if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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