Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My life is pants optional.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
