I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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