Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
