i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
