Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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