whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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