Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize