I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
