I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
