It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
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