I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
