never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
