I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
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She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
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He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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