I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
