I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
