just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
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I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
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Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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