My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
