She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
