all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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