This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
