I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
