Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
