I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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