if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
