He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
