Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
