True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
