yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
