alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
