dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
