i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
