my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She told me I should be a condom model.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
