I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
