Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
