i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
