We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
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