Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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