I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
