Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
