I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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