I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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