i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
