I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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