They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
