Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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