so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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