remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
