i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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