Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The adults are the big ones right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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