What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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