Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
